Under the Influence?

It is truly amazing to see the different people God places in your life.  Over the years I’ve known some very different types of people with varying personalities, but after having a job and then coming to college, I’ve never been more shocked by the people I’ve encountered.

In high school, I feel like we are all exposed to the same generic people.  While, yes, they are still unique, the exposure in a high school is just barely even a sample of all the different people in the world.

In my first semester in college, I’ve learned an incredible amount about people and the impact they can have on a life.  Of course, the college experience is known for providing the most attractive temptations, which almost always have an undesirable end result.  But, while those temptations are definitely present, I’ve discovered an entirely new influence on my life since coming to college.

I’ve often wondered, even from the very beginning of the semester, what on Earth I was doing at Arkansas State University; there didn’t seem to be much that interested me here, and I fought so hard for so long to go to a different school.  But, clearly, in the end I made the decision to attend ASU; and as I’ve been struggling through my firs semester, I’ve decided: if there is no other reason why I’m at Arkansas State, it is for the purpose of meeting some of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. 

It took a little time, but I’ve gotten to know some amazing people this semester, which is such a blessing.  Even when I’m stressing about school and trying to convince myself that it isn’t all a waste, I think about the fact that if I weren’t here, I wouldn’t have the privilege to know the people who have helped me maintain my sanity this first semester.  I am extremely blessed to have so many great friends who influence my life in the most positive way.

You know who you are!

Peace and Blessings, loves. 

I love the Lion King.

So, I’m watching the Lion King right for the first time in AGES.  I’ve missed this movie so much!  The music is brilliant, and it reminds me of my childhood.  Wise words spoken from Mufasa about the circle of life. (: I forgot how much I love this movie. 

In other news, happy December!  Today has been an excellent day so far.  I got all my homework done in a very timely manner last night, allowing me to be stress free this morning.  I got to walk to class this morning in my peacoat with my peppermint coffee in hand as the clock towered played Christmas music.  Then, I got out of my fine arts music class early and was actually prepared for the quiz in my history class. Win.  Also, today was my last day in biology lab.  And, it’s Wednesday, which means I get to go to church tonight.  In summary, I’m in a fantastic mood.

Simba was pretty brave to slap that hyena in the face like that.

My roommate, the beautiful and brilliant Molly Caid, pointed out that this whole movie is an allusion for Hamlet. Hm, I might have known that if I had actually finished reading Hamlet.

Molly and I have a tiny Christmas tree! 

It's December, guys, get excited.

This is the source of my procrastination.

You know what I think I need?  A break from life as it is now. I want to experience life in a new way.  In a way that makes me feel like I’m actually living.  I want to travel all over the country and discover new things in unexpected places, meet people I would never normally encounter, and do something crazy just because I can.  I want to go and discover and live and love every minute of it, hopefully discovering myself in the process.

Its cliché, but I’ll say it anyway: I only have one life to live.  Am I truly living?  Sometimes life seems too careful, too planned, too expected.  Monotonous.  I wonder what its like to have no stress, no worries, no one to let down but yourself.  In my philosophy class we read the book “A Contemporary Introduction to Free Will.”  In the book, the author, Robert Kane discusses the different ideas from various brilliant philosophers about whether or not we have any freedom at all.  One of the first questions the book presents is this: What is freedom?  That, I think, is an excellent question to ask ourselves.  Look in a dictionary.  You’ll see definitions like, “the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint,” or “the power to determine action without restraint.”  See, these are only attempts at explaining what it is to be free.  Philosophers have pondered for years…Are we truly free? Are our actions determined? If so, who determines our actions?  The complications that arise when we try to answer these questions is frustrating, to say the least.  I can thank my philosophy professor for putting these thoughts in my head.

Whatever freedom is, I know I want to feel it.  Right now, it seems as if I’m so stuck in my obligations and expectations.  School. Work. Study. Say the right thing.  Please the right people.  Sometimes, I think freedom might just be releasing the constant tension in my shoulders that is ever-present from the stress of simply living life.  I wonder if life will ever really be about living, or if such a thing is merely fantasy.  And, if I were to ever really live life, what would that look like?  In my head, I see myself out in the world, taking pictures and changing the lives of the people I meet.  However, this truly does seem like a fantasy.  I’ve always liked the idea of a fantasy world.  Maybe that is the purpose of an imagination: to create a place in which to escape from the seemingly not-so-full-of-life life.

I’ve set a goal to take some time every week to do something that is purely for myself and nothing more.  Paint something.  Read for fun.  Go for a walk.

There are no expectations in taking a walk.